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| askoki.co.uk |
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| No mail. Rats. scenicreflections.com |
Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Teacher has sent home a list of the names of all students, to ensure that each child receives a Valentine. Fuzzy and I have dutifully selected some Valentines, and whether he's present for his class party or not, he'll fill out a card for each child.
I can't help but think of poor Charlie Brown, waiting patiently at his mailbox for a Valentine from the little red haired girl. Well, not just her - heck. A valentine from ANYBODY.
Surely, those of you who survived elementary school must recall, writing out Valentines to your friends was fun. The hard part came when you got to the kids you didn't know well, or the kids you didn't want getting the wrong impression after the receipt of a card with "I LOVE YOU" printed on it.
In the politically incorrect days of my youth (when everyone was politically incorrect) there were kids who didn't get Valentines at class parties.
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| Ralph Wiggums of "The Simpsons" doletown.com |
I know this, because we were allowed to circulate the room to distribute Valentines and assorted sweets, dropping one on each desk. That is, one was supposed to drop on each desk. More often than not, there were a handful of kids who didn't get a Valentine from everyone, as they were supposed to. You weren't supposed to leave anybody out. I don't know if anyone ever pointed out to Teacher, however, that Ralph didn't get quite as many Valentines as Tommy, who was considerably more popular.
And some of us weren't too sure about giving those Valentines that had something other than a neutral "Happy Valentine's Day" greeting on them. Lisa Simpson of the Simpsons inadvertantly inspired a super-crush from Ralph after delivering to him a You Choo Choo CHOOSE me Valentine to his until-then empty Valentine mailbox.
Charles Schulz's Peanuts characters and The Simpsons couldn't be more polar opposite, but the creators of both sets of characters sure know something about the cruelty of children.
Not even adults escape unscathed in the cartoon world. Even the writers of Phineas & Ferb get in a few jabs at Valentine's Day as Major Monogram and Carl, his intern, have this (paraphrased) exchange:
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| Major Monogram of "Phineas & Ferb" okgunsafety.com |
Carl: That's ok, sir, I didn't expect a gift or anything. That's all right, sir. (in that tone of voice that clearly indicates he was, indeed expecting something)
There are lots of people of all ages who won't receive Valentines this year, some who don't receive them any year. If you're looking for someone to send a Valentine to, after making sure each child in the class receives one, naturally, try your local Valentines for Veterans program. Consider sending Valentines to the local nursing home.
Encourage your children to participate. It's never too early to learn a little compassion.
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| Happy Valentine's Day valentinesdayclipart.com |
I remember that kid in my class. His name for John and he smelled like bacon. I always gave him a card, my mother would have died if I didn't.
ReplyDeleteYou are right, there is a huge lesson here. I'm going to talk to my girls about making some valentine's for senior citizens.
I remember in 5th grade was the first year I didn't give EVERYONE a Valentine...I don't know whether it was a purposeful thing that I OMITTED people or whether I just gave them to my friends...I don't recall. But it was obviously some turning point or I wouldn't remember it. There was some nagging guilt over whether the Ralphs or Johns in my class would get any Valentines. I haven't seen a class list for Chickie yet this year, so will have to ask about that. She won't leave anyone out, but will most certainly give the "lesser" Valentines to the Ralphs and Johns.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what the "right" answer is...do you FORCE a kid to express an insincere sentiment? Do you allow them to deliberately exclude someone who has become the target of their dislike? Do you allow kids to fawn over the chosen few to the detriment of the rest? Are you doing a service to the booger-wiper who chooses to not use social skills?
At our church, the kids in the religious ed program (elementary aged) have traditionally made Valentines for a variety of organizations--nursing homes, overseas military, retired nuns...They have also made Christmas cards for kids in the juvenile "justice" system, battered/abused women's shelters, etc. It really is cool to have them think about someone ELSE. Wouldn't that be a cool pre-Valentine's day activity, to have an elementary-aged class make Valentines for someone who thinks no one cares?
@Angelia - I remember kids like that from class, too - and like Suzy-Q said, we often gave them the "lesser" valentines - you know, the less fancy, more generic ones. Not very nice.
ReplyDelete@Suzy-Q - it's such a sticky situation, and it shouldn't be. Straight across the board, everyone should get a valentine, I feel, even if it just says "Valentine" on it and nothing else. Or - don't give out any. Opt for pencils instead. It's generic, they can be any color, and if Buford chooses to break it in half instantly - well, that just shows how advanced his social skills are.
I know. I hear what you're saying. There are kids who are just plain awful no matter what, and when they are just plain awful to your child - and it obviously pains and torments your child to sign their name to a greeting they'd never give otherwise, what to do?
Sometimes I wonder if this is where "Love thy neighbor" comes in. It's always easy to love the neighbor you LIKE - but to treat kindly the neighbor you DON'T like is the challenge.
I like the ideas that have come into play in recent years. Instead of the annual Christmas party where the kids draw names, instead they bring in some canned or dry or paper goods to donate.
So - why not a Valentine party where they afternoon is spent MAKING Valentines for shut-ins, for example, rather than stressing over making them for each other? The kids could still have their Valentine treats - as if! right? - maybe the exchange of Valentines could be optional. How about it, educators & parents? What are your ideas?
little Moo's class last year and this year have done the "send home a list with the names of each kid so everyone has a Valentine" thing. I don't agree with it..especially since she now has to give a Valentine to the little bastard that tried to choke her out at the beginning of the year. I get the whole thing about the nose-picker and the kid who smells like bacon needing to be included and being made to feel that they're "accepted" and part of the group; but at the same time, I think we're kind of making them express a sentiment that's not sincere. I'd be happier if they'd just have a little party, cookies, punch, a movie or a game... I think something more productive would be to make Valentines for the old folks at the nursing home or something.
ReplyDeleteAs a teacher, I always gave kids the OPTION of bringing in cards. The only catch was, if they did so, they brought one for EVERYONE. If they wanted to have cards for just a chosen few, they were directed to find a way to deliver them outside of school hours.
ReplyDeleteKeep in mind, some of those kids who no one wants to give the cards to are just passing on the beatings they get from their families. Some have no way of dealing with frustration that faces them at every turn. And some give the other kids reason to hate them, rather than wait for the others to find a reason that they can't control.
I understand trying to be inclusive of everybody and not singling any one person out.
ReplyDeleteHowever, there are always going to be unpopular kids or, as was stated above, the "nosepicker," the kid who "smells like bacon" or a kid that's just plain weird/has lice/is poor/etc...those things may make them very unpopular. And let's face it, we've all had to do this in grade school and it's always been a popularity contest (when you get right down to it). There's always been pressure to give one to the "cool kids" and not to the weird kid(s) (or at least not be seen doing so).
I assume part of being a parent is to teach your children that there are things you HAVE to do that you may not want to do or like to do. Another is teaching them honesty and to treat people with dignity and respect. But is showing insincerity something we should teach them?
I would rather they make Valentines cards for the Senior Citizens, our Armed Forces, or for a homeless or women's shelter. These are people that are often forgotten about in our busy lives. I would rather teach children to have some empathy for a stranger than have them try to "fake out" a classmate.
Having a complete stranger say "I thought about you today and I care" means a lot more than a (patronizing) valentine from someone you know doesn't like you.
Oh Kathy, darling, there is a little something for you over at Teachers and Twits. Thought you should see it. ;-)
ReplyDeleteOh, wow. This brings back a memory or two. I guess I should pat myself on the back for always giving a valentine to everyone before teachers insisted on it. But I was careful to give the most generic ones to the boys I didn't want to inspire crushes in. It makes me kind of sad to think about it now.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Happy Valentine's Day!