Leavin', on a Jet Plane

When you were a kid, did you take a trip or a vacation anywhere without your parents? I'm not talking about sending an 8-year-old to Jamaica on her own, I'm talking a visit to relatives.

Last week, my 12-year-old embarked on a journey out of state with my sister and her family.  My sister and I had talked about doing a kid exchange a few years ago, but I thought mine was just too young, at the time.  But this summer, she was magically old enough, and mature enough, to head out on a trip to spend sometime with someone else.

Was I worried? Sure!  I worried that she'd be a pig and not pick up after herself.  I worried she'd not get along with her cousins.  I worried she'd be homesick and want to come home within one day of her arrival. 

I worried for naught.

My sister assurred me that my kid was a good houseguest, enough so that I'm contemplating telling her, now that  she's home, that she must act like she is still visiting.  I'm half hoping this will encourage a neatly-made bed and no more piles of shoes by each entrance of the house. 

Now that my daughter is home again, I'm worried that she'll be bored silly because I know she had a good time with her cousins.

So, I'm curious.  At what age did you let your children venture "alone" to visit family or friends? How long did they stay?  What kind of activities did they do? Were they homesick? Was it a perfect visit, or a nightmare? Would you do it again?  If you don't have kids, do you ever take such a trip, yourself, as a child? 

My hope is that visits like this will spark lifelong memories of good times spent with family, and forge friendships that go beyond family ties.  What memories, good, bad, humorous, etc., do you have of family get-togethers, or solo trips to visit others?

flickr.com - Oz photo

aperfectworld.org - car clip art

spirituality.org.za - shoes in the hall

sfgate.com - The Griswolds

All McDonald's Restaurants Deserve a Break Today - from Frivolous Lawsuits

After reading the following post on Facebook, I am compelled to share with you, dear readers.

"Are McDonald's Happy  Meal Toys making your child fat?"  At first glance, my response was, "No, not unless my child is EATING the Happy Meal Toys!"

Snarky comments aside, the article complains, "McDonald's marketing has the effect of conscripting America's children into an unpaid drone army of word-of-mouth marketers, causing them to nag their parents to bring them to McDonald's," according to Stephen Gardner, of the Centre for Science in the Public Interest's consumer group.

All right, I'm rolling my eyes here.  {eye roll}

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

This is a fast-food chain.

They cater to people who don't care if they eat healthy meals 3x daily. Or, at least, they cater to people who don't care if they chow down on high-carb, high-fat foods when they're on the road traveling and have no time to stop for a sit-down meal, people who don't mind eating fast-food now and then, etc.

To be fair, McDonald's has tried to upgrade the menu by downgrading the fats and making available the nutrition information for their menu items.

The CSPI group complains that Happy  Meals aren't healthy for kids and the toys are marketed specifically to draw children in, and beg and nag their parents  to take them to McDonald's.   CSPI says "even if those Happy Meals appear in advertisements, kids order the unhealthier meals most of the time."

Get ready: {eye roll} {eye roll}

Who the heck is CSPI to be suing anyone over what toys are put with what fast food meals?  Is Burger King any better?

Dear CSPI,

Instead of filing frivolous lawsuits and wasting the time and money of the court systems and the people who fund them, why don't you try growing a set of gonads and just saying "NO" to your child? 

You can't parent for everyone else in the world, though your efforts are admirable. Certainly we've all felt the urge to parent for those who should have been sterilized at birth (were such a thing possible) due to their lack of judgement and brains.

However, such things being what they are, we can only control ourselves, and to a limited extent, our own brood. 

That being said, if you can say "NO" to your own child, you can be smugly assured that your child, at least, will be eating healthy meals and not playing with cheap plastic toys that are geared toward mass marketing efforts to further encourage your child to force you to take out a loan so you can escort him/her to the movies to view the characters portrayed in these pieces of plastic on the big screen.

It's something we often don't want our children to do, during those golden moments of childhood, but I'm going to say it to you, CSPI: GROW UP. 

YOU are the parent.  YOU have the car keys.  YOU have the checkbook.  YOU have the power to SAY NO.  So start saying it.  Oh, and if you don't like the mass marketing bit, then turn off the damned television.

DUH.

Sincerely,

MomCrusades - (and any other parent or conglomerate who is tired of others insisting that everyone else parent our children and make our decisions)

 
photos: cgi.ebay.com (dolls, cars)
             eatthiscity.com (WTF pic)
             johntracy.com (cheeseburger)
             golf.qwowi.com (golf balls)

Silly Stuff Sunday

Here's some silly stuff just for Sunday:


Question 1: Where were you five years ago?

• Living in Tawas City, Michigan.
• Growing my hair out to donate.
• Taking some college classes.
• Huh. I can't really answer this in any more detail. Guess I've blocked it all out!

Question 2: Where do you want to be five years from now?

• Living right here in my home town is fine with me.
• Gainfully employed, somewhere/somehow, in the education system.
• Being mom to two great kids.
• Being the crazy auntie.
• Still married :-)

Question 3: What is (or was) on your to-do list today?

• See dad for Father's Day
• Post to the Blog
• Do some gardening
• Get Numero Uno Child packed and ready to go home with her auntie & uncle
• Pet the cat
• Finish homework

Question 4: What five snacks do you enjoy?

• Popcorn. With butter. Microwave, or made "old-fashioned" style in the pan.
• celery with peanut butter
• anything with chocolate
• fruit (pineapple, oranges, apples, grapes)
• cookies

Question 5: What five things would you do if you were a billionaire?

• Pay off the mortgage.
• Put money away for college.
• Give to charity.
• Help family
• Not tell anyone I'm a billionaire.

I'm supposed to tag 5, of course, so here are the 5 I'm tagging:

Everyone who follows this blog.

Everyone who feels like it.

I'm sure, out of those two options, there are at least five people who could participate in Silly Stuff Sunday! Feel free to post within the comments section if you like! Happy Silly Sunday!

Bathing Suit Torture for the Not Yet Teen Set

It's a frightening thing when your daughter grows out of one clothing department and into another.  This phenomenon tends to occur when she first grows out of toddler sizes and into the "official" girls department.  That's all right for a little while - but I'm discovering that things don't improve from there.

First of all, my daughter is twelve. 

This means, to me, that she's still young enough to enjoy stuffed animals but old enough to like talking about "Twilight" books with her friends (she finds them funny, so don't even tell me about how mature they are. I've read them).  She's young enough to find it disgusting when actors make out for more than 30 seconds on television or the movies, but old enough to get embarrassed when I point out that a young boy has checked her out ("MOOOooOOOM!") as we walk through a store.

Pretty much, she's a good kid with a good head on her shoulders.

She has her own ideas about clothing, but so far we haven't clashed about what's appropiate and what isn't.  Likely this is because we tend to agree on a lot of things, like belly buttons being covered up unless you wear a two-piece bathing suit, saying no to (butt) crack, no thanks to low-cut tops that let the girls hang out, and extremely high-heeled shoes that would hasten my need for knee replacement surgery if I wore them at all, though we do have fun giggling over them as we try them on in the store.

Like many kids her age, she outgrows everything within a season.  This year, we headed out to purchase a bathing suit.  Ordinarily, this is no big deal because we'd head to the girls' department, find her size, she'd try it on, buy it, and life goes on for a happy kid who can wear a bathing suit that fits.

Now, I've found that at many stores, the girls sizes end at a 16-18, and you'd be lucky to find those.  She hit the top of the size chart in that department last year, so we weren't sure we'd find anything.  We found a few 16s, but they were too small.  It was with trepidation that we went to the juniors department, which shares bathing suit selections with the womens department, in many stores.

She found a really cute halter-style bathing suit top - red & cream colored stripes, tying at the neck and the top ending just below the belly button. 

The problem came when we tried to find bottoms to fit.  The bottoms that were available were either skimpy thong-style or the next best thing, skimpy bikini bottoms, or they were "boy" style shorts that were the equivalent of ace bandages for your butt.  And - they were all too big.  Plus, I was getting sticker shock. 

I can see the practicality of having two-piece suits available for sale individually.  There's nothing more aggravating for a woman to have to purchase two bathing suits so she can have one suit that fits properly out of all four pieces.  When you're one size on top and another size on the bottom, as many women are, one size does NOT fit all. 

I suppose the same theory applies to those who have one foot that is significantly smaller than the other: it's hard to find shoes.  What I hate about this though, is that the price of one bathing suit top is what I think the price should be (could be) for the entire bathing suit.  Now, I wasn't exactly shopping "high end" by being at Target, Sears, Younkers, or J. C. Penney.  But when a bathing suit top costs $50 and you haven't even gotten to looking for the bottoms yet - ai yi yi . . .

It's hard to find a bathing suit for a girl who is still a child in age and years when you have to shop in a department where everything is skimpy and designed to show off curves.

So what's a mom to do? 

We sighed, heavily, and kept shopping. 

We ended up at J. C. Penney, where lo and behold! We discovered their girls' department had sizes that included "girls plus," which are sizes 10 through 18.  AND THEY HAD BATHING SUITS!!!!!!  O! Hallelujah! Not only did they have bathing suits that would fit my daughter, but they were appropriate for her age group, and they were proportioned for her age group.

Pictured here are three of the twelve suits available at J. C. Penney (online) in the girls plus department:

Notice that each suit has ample coverage in the right places.  The suits do come in different colors (pink, rainbow, etc.).  And, lucky me, they were even reasonably priced - that is, they were within my budget.  Even had the suit not been on sale, I would have gritted my teeth and paid the full $39.99 price simply so my kid could have a bathing suit she'd be comfortable in.

'Plus' sizes for girls should not scare anyone either, by the way.  Just like adults, kids come in all shapes and sizes - and just because your child might be "average" size is no reason to rule out anything sized "plus."  When your child reaches that age where she's too small and too young for the junior department styles, it's nice to have options.  Kudos to J. C. Penney for carrying age-appropriate bathing suits for a 12-year-old girl.  That's one store I'll start in, next year, when it's time to find a bathing suit.

What solutions do you find, when you can't find appropriate clothing for your child? 

photos found at:
viatrading.com - brown & turquoise bathing suit bottom
pirate4x4.com - bikini
isnorkel.com - black "boy" bottoms
J.C. Penney, online, girls plus dept., 3 bathing suits

Help! My Daughter wants to be on Facebook!

So my daughter inserted, very casually into a conversation at breakfast this morning, that she wishes she had a Facebook page.

My husband and I continued talking as though we hadn't heard her, though it was pretty obvious that we couldn't have missed her remark.  Especially because there had been a rather pregnant pause right after she said it.  We finished our conversation, and I said to my daughter, "It's not that we're intentionally ignoring your comment, though it's tempting - but I think your dad and I need to talk about this before we give you the go-ahead."

This brought the usual responses:

• a listing of all her friends who had Facebook pages
• the fact that she IS who she IS and is RESPONSIBLE (this is true, I'd have to agree)
• school already gave the two-hour presentation about cyber-bullying and suicides over cruel Facebook postings, etc.
• she'd just like to chat online with her friends instead of sending multiple e-mails every five minutes several times a day (a recent phenomenon)

This brought about some questions from my husband and me:

• How young is "too young" for a Facebook page?  I know there are all sorts of controls on Facebook, and I know of some ten and twelve-year-old girls who have a page on the net-working site.
• Our daughter is in a "good place" right now, socially - and we haven't picked up any vibes about any negative social issues, and likely wouldn't have to deal with the online sniping/bullying/harrassment issues.  But - if that became an issue in the future, would "practice" now with online networking help our daughter deal with it?
• How often a day does our daughter need to email a friend?  She doesn't have a cell phone (let's not go there, right now), so 24/7 texting isn't a problem.  She does email a friend, through my own email account, and lately spends more time on the computer than I do - which makes me worry, if we ever got a laptop in addition to our desktop computer, if we'd ever see our daughter again.
• How does she deal with the people who want to "friend" her that she may not necessarily want to be "friends" with either in person, or online?  Ignore the online request, and tell the person, when they ask (as middle school kids inevitably will) "Oh, my parents don't let me on Facebook that much."
• Is a twelve-year-old old enough and mature enough to understand that whatever is typed on social networking sites is pretty much out there for anyone to read.  We explained that sometimes, potential employers will check a candidate's social networking page, and sometimes they see things that aren't exactly appropriate, and this makes the potential employer just say no to hiring.  Whatever she posts on her page, it can't be anything negative about classmates (cyber bullying, a prosecutable offense), teachers, etc.
• And, what about friends of her friends? And all the "groups" she could potentially join?
• Also, do I have to "friend" her in order to check her page?  I really don't want my daughter to check out the Hot Firemen that other people send me (or that I send other people).  Well, they're dressed, and certainly no less hot than Jacob of Twilight movie fame when it comes to the 8-pack abs - but.
• My husband has fears that in a few years she'll befriend some 35-year-old mama's basement dweller. 

Of course, I told our daughter that IF she got a Facebook page, I would be checking it periodically.  She seemed ok with that, at least at that moment.

Used to be, parents worried about how much time their daughters spent on the telephone.  Now, we worry about cell phones, texting, sexting, social network sites - is there anything I'm missing, media-wise?

So, how about it, parents with middle-school kids.  Tell me how you deal with your child when they want a Facebook account.  Does your middle-school child have a social networking page?  What rules and regulations do you place on its use? 


photos:  girls - irishhealth.com
               telephone - vbulletin.thesite.org

If You Borrow it, You're Responsible for it

Thanks to my brother for sending the link to this article from today's New York Times, about a young woman named Courtny Munna, who is buried in student loan debt.

Sound familiar?  If it does, it's likely because many of you, dear readers, have also been buried in student loan debt.  Some of you still are buried in student loan debt.  Or, if you're lucky, you have paid off your student loans or never had any to begin with.      

To summarize the article (which is worthy of a full read, so please click the link and read writer Ron Lieber's sob story) - Courtny and widowed mom Cathryn borrowed lots and lots and lots of money to send Courtny to the best university possible, and now Courtny has nearly "$100,000 in student loan debt from her four years in college, and affording the full monthly payments [is] a struggle." 

Courtny's degree is in women's & religious studies, and she currently works for a photographer in San Francisco, for $22 per hour.  I'm guessing this isn't her dream job, but it's helping pay her bills.  Much like many of us, we aren't working our dream jobs either (or fulfilling that fantasy of independent wealth) but - we're putting up and shutting up simply because we have families to support, bills to pay, or some combination of those two things plus other variables.

Courtny's final comment in the article is this:  " .. . she also badly wants to call a do-over on the last decade. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life slaving away to pay for an education I got for four years and would happily give back," she said. "It feels wrong to me." ' 

In the words of a former college dorm mate, "Waah fuckin' waah waah fucking WAH."  (regarding the photo, at left, I really didn't attend college with Tom Selleck. But my college friends will recognize just who I'm talking about, here)

First, if you're unhappy about the four years of education you got which you would "happily give back," then why did you continue to pursue that course of study?  You can always change your major.

Second, if you'd "happily give back" those four years of education because "slaving away to pay" for it feels wrong, then perhaps you should have skipped college altogether.  Or, what a concept, you could have gone to a less expensive college.

I suspect there's more to the backstory here than Ron Lieber, the author of this sob story, is willing to tell. 

Either way, in my opinion, it all comes down to this:

• Courtny "borrowed as much money as she could under the federal loan program. To make up the difference between her grants and work study money and the total cost of attending, her mother co-signed two private loans "  and    "[Courtny] borrowed about $40,000 from Citibank without thinking much about how she would pay it back"   Whether she borrowed it from Citibank or someone else, Munna obviously couldn't afford the education she received - and had no business borrowing that kind of money. And, even if she's in debt for years and years, she can still make the minimum payment (even if it takes years and years) and not default on the loan. Even if she paid fifty-cents extra per month, it would be something applied to the principal above and beyond the minimum payment. What kind of lifestyle is she living that she cannot afford to pay her loan? Maybe it's nothing fancy, I don't know.  She likely isn't working her dream job, or the dream job didn't materialize because no one has the "dream job" right now. Whatever - you borrowed it, you pay it back - maybe get a 2nd job if you have to, like other people do, just to put food on the table. I know - that sounds so unsympathetic - maybe she should have tried a less expensive school.
• "It is utterly depressing that there are so many people like her facing decades of payments, limited capacity to buy a home and a debt burden that can repel potential life partners. "
  
  
  "They and their families made borrowing decisions based more on emotion than reason, much as subprime borrowers assumed the value of their houses would always go up."  Yes, it is "depressing" - but WHOSE FAULT IS THAT, DAMMIT? This woman and her mom made decisions "based more on emotion than reason," and that's not how you should make financial decisions. But - that's how they did it - so buck up and pay up (no pun intended). I can't help it the economy is what it is right now, but this student loan crap is much like anything else in life. If you can't afford to pay it back, then you don't borrow it. If you want to bet on getting a Good Job so you can Support Yourself and Pay Back Loans, then fine - but if/when it backfires, you still are responsible for the debt . I suppose it's kind of like paying for a wedding. If you can't afford the stretch limo and the live band, then you make other arrangements. You have the kind of wedding you can PAY FOR rather than borrowing money like crazy and then expecting that, magically, it's going to suddenly all be paid back and you'll be in the free and clear.  Universities are in the business of educating, the ability of the alumnus to get a decent job after graduation is good publicity for the university - recommending the student educate elsewhere because they're getting over their head in debt is not something a university is going to do.  Anyone ever hear of "buyer beware"?  If you want it badly enough, you'll find a way (a legal way, we hope) to pay for it.
• "She may finally be earning enough to barely scrape by while still making the payments for the first time since she graduated, at least until interest rates rise and the payments on her loans with variable rates spiral up" -- Holy Fuck, Batman - never sign a loan with variable interest rates. That's like signing a balloon mortgage. NEVER NEVER NEVER. What more can I say?

Ok - I sound incredibly bitchy.  My apologies.  One thing is, though, if you borrow it, whether it's money, clothes, someone else's car - you're responsible for it. 

A college degree is part of the American Dream for many, and it often does help a person get a better job and succeed in life.  I take no issue with this whatsoever.  There are plenty of universities though, where one can attend, and not be up to eyeballs in debt.  Perhaps, rather than getting that degree in four years straight, working part of the time and attending college part of the time might have been a better option.  It might have taken more than four years to get the degree, but the debt might have been smaller.  And whoever signed this family up for the variable interest loan - I bet they're laughing up their sleeves right now. 

I know someone who worked all summer long to pay off student loan debt - this woman charged her college expenses to VISA every semester, then worked all summer to pay the bill in its entirety.  The following fall, she'd repeat the process.  Graduation day - no student debt, except for the final year of tuition, which was paid off after a summer of work.

As my brother put it, "I know college is expensive. Took me 7.5 years to pay off my student loans (My brother lived on his own for the majority of the time he was paying the loans). We're still paying on my wife's one year of law school, and it will probably take another few years to pay that off, too. But damn. You didn't HAVE TO go to a 'top notch' school. You could've gone to some place cheaper. And now you're incurring more debt taking night classes just to defer the original $97k in loans? And interest is accruing? Wow. And now you ask "who's responsible?" Sure, the people who loan the money did a shitty job of explaining the process. . . " but - ultimately, it is up to the consumer to educate themselves on the ins and outs of the financing of an education. 

I'm sorry that the woman in this article had the misfortune to attend a top-notch university and get a four-year education that she'd "happily give back."  I bet there are plenty of people who would love to be in her shoes.  I'm sorry that she, perhaps, has a degree in something she can't find employment in.  However, if you want the education and are adamant about pursuing a particular course of study, you are ultimately responsible for paying back the money you borrowed to pay for that education. 

What do you think? Am I being too harsh? Are there extenuating circumstances when a borrow of student loan money should be exempt from repayment? 




pictures, in order of appearance:
graduation photo - Stephanie.Haas flickr.com
Tom Selleck, Magnum P.I. , series-80.net
Debt, articleread.net
Nationalstudentloancharity.org



Hi everyone - It is Thursday, June 3, one day after posting the blog above.  Here is another link for you to check out:  More on Courtny Munna's Student Loan Tale.  Again, thanks to my brother for following up on the original story.  Here, Munna admits responsibility for her debt, and explains her comment about giving back her four-year education. 

Here is the link with over 600 comments re: the student loan story.