Real Life is a lot like High School

Thanks, to All You Need is Love for the blog idea.

Real life is a lot like high school.


In high school, there are always people who don't do any more than they have to do. This is true in the "real world" and your workplace. Sometimes, the other person's laziness reflects badly on you and you have to deal with it, just like in high school.

In high school, there are bullies. In the real world, there are bullies. In your workplace, you will encounter people who are verbally abusive and belligerant to you or others. You aren't in high school anymore, so you might be able to make this kind of behavior stop. It's possible the bully doesn't realize how he/she comes across and might be grateful for a kind word that says "hey, tone it down."  Then again, the bully might not care. Either way, you're both adults and you can state your case.

In high school, there were always people who dressed inappropriately (read: like sluts). You will find these people in the workplace, too. Take the higher road and be known for your accomplishments and not your amazing cleavage.

In high school, there are always people who are on the fringes of life and too shy to participate. You'll find people like this in real life, too. Now that you're not in high school and no one will say you're a geek if you talk to those people, go over and have a conversation. You might find that best friend/soul mate you didn't know you were searching for.

High school wasn't always fair. Sometimes, the whole class was punished when only one person really deserved it. Life can be like that, too. Try not to resent it too much.  Resentment can drag you down and you're too good a person to be weighed down like that. 
 
What comes around, goes around.  This is true. Karma is a funny thing. It might take years for Karma to make its way back, boomerang style, to the jack-ass who towel-whipped you in the locker room and shoved you, naked, into the hallway.  But, it will happen.  Karma will visit that person at the least-expected time.  You may not be there to witness it, but rest assured - it will happen.
 
In high school, there were people who lived for the sole purpose of devoting time to extra-curriculars.  The same is true in real life.  In real life, you'll meet the same kind of people.  Go ahead and enjoy yourself, but don't lose sight of what's really important.
 
In high school, there were people who tried and tried and tried and tried and still couldn't do any more than a C-.  In real life, you'll meet people like this, too.  Maybe you're one of them.  Don't despair.  In real life, your grades don't really matter.  There are plenty of brilliant people in the workplace and everyday life who got failing grades.  Everyone learns differently, and your grades don't reflect who you truly are.  Don't be a slacker, though. If you can do better, than do.
 
In high school, there were lots of people who tried very hard to be what they weren't.  Perhaps they were insecure, wanted to impress someone, wanted to be anything but what they really were, whatever that may have been.  In the real world, you'll find people like that, too.  In high school, many of us were less forgiving when we discovered the "fakeness" of the other person.  In the real world, forgiveness can go a long way.  After all, in the real world, just as in high school, all of us want to be understood.  So try to understand, and don't judge.  You have faults, too.  I know I do.
 
In high school, we were supposed to be responsible.  In the real world, we're supposed to be responsible, too.  Pay your bills on time.  Treat people respectfully.  Treat the property of others respectfully.  If you do something wrong, try to make it right.  Be self-sufficient.  If you  need help, ask for it.  If you can help someone else, offer. 
 
In high school, the world was much bigger than what many of us thought.  The world encompassed more than just you and your circle of friends.  The same is true in the real world.  Open your eyes, consider other people, and experience different things.
 
Is high school preparation for the real world?  You may never need that formula in algebra or the ability to recite the bones of the body, but there are many ways that school reflects "real life."  And one thing is definitly true:  You get out of school what you put into it.  You get out of life what you put into it.  So make it worth your while.

Things I've Learned about High School Plays

I think my life is finally returning to normal this week - at least, as normal as it can be for me!

The last couple of months have been really hectic, primarily because my middle-school-aged daughter auditioned for, and got a part in, a high school play.  She was part of the chorus, no lines to speak, just lots of singing and dancing, and three costume changes.

As per usual, parent involvement is paramount to the success of behind-the-scenes stuff, and there were many parents on the scene and helping with costumes, sets, and so forth. 

As per usual, the cast and crew worked really, really hard and performed four sold-out shows.  They were really fabulous.  And I'm not saying that just because my own kid was in the production.

I took a few theatre classes in college, they were required for my speech minor.  I enjoyed them, but never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect to be onstage.  Backstage is plenty of action for me.  I still feel that way.  But, being part of this production was a learning experience in many ways.  Here are a few of the things I learned:

• The kids will be on site for long hours.  They put in their school day, have perhaps 30 minutes of down time, and then it's time to rehearse.  The hard work really shows.  I saw lots of happy faces on audience members as they filed out of the auditorium at the end of each show.  I think that this group of kids works just as hard as any sports team.
• Even the boys wear make-up.  Features on unpainted faces will disappear under the bright lights and the distance from stage to seats.  None of the boys complained about the make-up, though it was funny to hear backstage parents, after scrutinizing each cast member, say to a boy, "Go put on more lipstick."

• My middle school daughter owns more make up than I do.  This isn't saying much, considering if she owned one lipstick it would probably be more than I have.  But - she now owns eye liner, mascara, liquid base, blush, eye shadow, and lipstick and she knows how to apply all of it without flinching.  That's not to say she'll be allowed to wear it on a going basis, but for the purposes of the play, those were the basics of what she needed.
• Boys and girls will need bobby pins for hair, depending on the styles needed for the play.  Aqua Net hairspray is one brand that works wonderfully for shellacking hair in place for both sexes. 
• Learning to use a curling iron doesn't seem to be a rite of passage for girls anymore.  Many girls didn't know how to use a curling iron, and some of us moms spent lots of time helping to fix hair.  I learned to use a curling iron in 6th grade.  I have to say though, it's refreshing to have current hairstyles that don't require lots of curling iron time and hair products.
• Not everyone plays by the book.  My observation is that some seem to be above reproach, though all are held to high standards.  Learn your lines, where to stand, when to walk, etc.  It isn't fair to the rest if others slack off. 
• Some play by the book, and expect others to, as well.  I admit, I'm one of those people. I do my best to follow the rules and see to it my kids do, too.  When you make a committment - and participating in a play is a major committment of your time - you need to make every effort to be present and participate to your best abilities.  It is my observation, not knowing circumstances of course, that not everyone follows this.  There are always exceptions, though.  The director does her best to work around the obligations/illnesses that crop up.  I feel fortunate in that.

• If I never see a poodle skirt for six months, I'll be happy. 
• Hemming perfectly round (circle) skirts is a royal pain in my behind.  I'm really not good at it.  But, my mom showed me a good technique.  Place the skirt on the floor in such a manner that you can see the entire hem (waistband in center, skirt flared out around it).  Carefully measure the length of your hem, and little by little, roll the hem to the desired length, pinning at close intervals.  It really does work - but what a pain!
• I am much better at hemming simple things like pants legs and shirt sleeves, and do better with trim work like sewing on poodles and putting glitz on stuff, using a glue gun. 
• Altering dresses is definitely not my forte.  I sincerely apologize to the talented moms who fixed that poor dress I tried to alter.
• Dads get just as involved with theatre productions as moms do.  There are dads who sew and help fix hair, dads who help put together sets and provide food for the whole lot. 
• There are many talented people who help the show succeed.  People put together the program, someone designs the posters and signs to advertise the play, those who design and create costumes - sometimes from scratch (I'm amazed at what can be created out of white lab coats and multiple empty toilet paper rolls and tinfoil), set designers and builders, those who play the music and run the lights and other sound effects.  There are countless others. 
• Our student body is incredibly talented. I wouldn't be surprised to see some of the kids on the silver screen someday.  Then I can say, "I knew that kid when. . ."
• Mixing high school kids with middle school kids might seem like a recipe for disaster, but I found that everyone got along for the most part and the younger ones were treated like siblings - respectfully, gentle teasing and joking, and the older kids acted as mentors. 
• All the students I encountered were incredibly polite.  Being new to this scene, I didn't know but a handful of the youngest students.  Regardless, everyone was appreciative.  It didn't matter if a parent was stacking chairs, sweeping, mending/altering/sewing a costume, bringing in a snack - any high school student who noticed immediately said a heartfelt "thank you for doing that."  Refreshing!  Anyone who thinks that teenagers are selfish and obnoxious should spend some time with this group.
• Theatre groups have to pay royalties for the scripts they purchase for performance.  Despite this, high school theatre productions are pretty inexpensive but quality entertainment for an evening out.  You  never know who else you'll see in the audience - attending high school theatre is a very social event.
• Not all extra-curriculars are treated equally.  Our theater productions are entirely self-funded, unlike other extra-curriculars that are offered.

There are some negatives, as there always will be in any group, but overall I found participating in high school theatre to be a very rewarding experience.  Kids learn how to budget their time, for one thing - balancing school, homework, family obligations, rehearsals, memorization of lines, songs, dances - it is time consuming.  And there are lots of life-lessons as well as practical lessons, too.

I enjoyed it, but I'm glad the hectic pace is over - for now. 

Tasty Memories

Recently I read an article in Reminisce magazine. The writer had said she and others had been hankering for the smell of original Lysol - that spray product that kills germs and freshens air.  The more recent scents just didn't smell like the odors she remembered from her grandmother's house back in the days of yore.  Anyway, the author ended up at an estate sale and satisifed her yearning for the smell of grandma's house when she found and purchased for 59-cents an ancient can of original Lysol. 

I couldn't help laughing, because I remember the smell of Lysol from when I was a kid back in the ancient era of the 1970s.  It did not smell good at all.  It sure cleared the odors from the bathroom after the area you were spraying, but otherwise? NO THANKS!  Definitely doesn't rank on my list of "favorite smells."

To each his own, though.

The article couldn't help but make me remember smells from my own childhood.  And this, of course, relates to the picture you see at the start of this post.

The baker of the bread pictured here (thanks, Yahoo images!) did a wonderful job with this beautiful round loaf, but it doesn't even begin to capture what bread looked like when it came out of grandma's oven.

She baked her own bread.  I had an "old" grandma - even in the 1970s, she seemed old to me.  Grandma lived until she was in her 90s - so when I was a kid, she was much younger than I gave her credit for!  But this grandma never wore slacks - always dresses. And when she baked, she wore an apron.  And her shoes, with the little heels - not these dressy little affairs you'd see on June Cleaver, but something much more utilitarian - usually black slip-ons, a scaled-back loafer-style shoe.  Oh, and she defnitely never wore pearls while baking or doing any other housework!

Back to good smells, though.  Bread-baking day was fabulous.  I never thought about the work that went into baking bread from scratch.  I doubt grandma even used a recipe at that point, she'd done this work of making bread for so long.

But the loaves.  She'd fill every baking pan she had.  Bread pans. Round cake pans.  Anything that could hold dough.  Small loaves, large loaves.  If we kids were lucky enough to ride our bikes over on bread day, we'd be gifted with a loaf to take home with us, still warm from the oven.  This, only after sampling a warm slice with butter melting into it.

The texture of the bread was light and airy - it was perfect for toasting, with butter or without.  With butter, the bread was sublime - toasted crispness on the edges, medium brown lightly speckled.  With peanut butter, toasted home-made bread was absolutely out of this world.  Peanut butter would seep into every little "holey" texture of the toast, sometimes dripping through onto your hand if there was an "air pocket" in the loaf at the time of cutting.  The crust was crunchy, the toasted bread itself was soft in the middle.  Mmmmmm. I'm drooling right now.

The best thing though, was the smell.  One whiff of the scent of homemade bread, freshly baked and cooling on a rack in front of an open window or on a countertop, and I can't help but be transported to grandma's kitchen.  The scent was warm, and dare I say "wholesome"? If you've smelled bread or rolls baking, you know what I mean.  Nothing even remotely evil in the world can touch you if you are surrounded by the aroma of baking bread.

Each loaf would exit the oven with a perfect golden crust, the tops baked over the edge of the pan right to perfection.  As the knife would enter the top crust to slice for a mouth-watering taste of bread, that golden crust would flake - and I have to say, when it was grandma's bread, nobody argued about "having" to eat the crust - the end piece of each loaf was the most coveted slice out of the entire loaf.  With store bought bread, nobody ever wanted to eat the end pieces. 

The sight and the smell of grandma's home-baked bread has lasted all my life - and I can still picture the loaves cooling on the white work table in her kitchen. 

What smells do you recall from your childhood that bring back good memories?

Drama: Preparation for Real Life

You may be wondering just what I mean by "drama," as you read the title for this particular blog.

I'm not talking "drama" as in having to hear/put up with every last detail of a co-worker's love affair gone wrong, or your neighbor's baby's daddy's other girlfriend's baby's daddy going psycho or whatever. 

No, I'm talking about drama, as in theatre.

I'm thinking, as my eldest child gets more involved in the drama program at our school, that "drama" is good preparation for real life (not just "reel" life, pun intended.  Oh for pete's sake, you can figure that out).

This spring, my eldest embarked upon her first ever theatre production as a member of the chorus of the musical, "Grease." 

Those in the play are required to sell advertising for the program/handbill.  Just like in real life, you may have to step out of your comfort zone and approach strangers and ask them for money.  The business owner gets something in exchange, but we all know it's really a donation.  For their money, the business owner gets an advertisment in a program that could, potentially, reach 2,500 people or more.  It's not easy to approach a business person and ask for them to purchase an advertisement.  Sometimes, business owners say "no, thanks," and others say "no" much more abruptly.  Just like in real life, you may ask for something, but not receive it.

My eldest and I were fortunate to sell the required advertising, and I thank

• Los Cuatros Amigos
• Bonnie's Sewing Center
• Regina Caeli
• Bird's Custom Framing & Art Supplies
• Eudici's Pizza, 
• Education Express, 
• 7-11, 

all fine local businesses who purchased advertising from my child.  I also appreciate those businesses, including the above, who placed posters in their windows to advertise for our play:  Traxler's Party Store, Hagen's Delta Ford, among many others.

If you participate in a play, it's a huge time committment.  It doesn't matter if you are doing costumes, stagecraft & lighting, technical crew work, acting, music, whatever.  "The show must go on," as the old phrase goes, and when rehearsals are scheduled, everyone needs to be there - unless you're in the midst of a major catastrophe.  Not getting your algebra homework finished, having a bad hair day, or wanting to sleep in are not considered major catastrophes.  Just like in real life, if you make a committment to something, it says a lot about you as a person if you follow through with it.

Some of the kids are learning that budgeting time is an important skill to have.  Just like in real life, you need to learn to budget your time.  When you are on the job, you have to be able to complete the tasks set before you whether it's stocking shelves, calling a certain number of customers to make a sales pitch, finishing your newspaper or U.S. mail delivery route, getting the pizza delivered in under 30 minutes.  Managing your time is important.

In Drama, people have to learn how to work together.  Sure - every workplace has a certain amount of attitudenally challenged people with a certain amount of back-biting that goes on.  However, you have to learn to set that aside in Drama so that your audience can enjoy the magic that is the Play and never realize that the person who operates the spotlights really hates the lead in the play, because that spotlight is exactly where it needs to be and nowhere else.  Just like in real life, getting along with other people - or at the least, being able to set aside differences long enough to accomplish an important goal, is an important part of daily life.

In Drama, the blocking of the play can change until the scene flows as it should.  Just like in real life, nothing is ever really set in stone, and one must learn to be flexible and work with what one has.   Sometimes, what you thought you knew and understood has to change.

In Drama, oftentimes it is those on the stage who receive the most adulation and applause. However, those who work the curtains, build the sets, handle the sound system and the lights are just a few of the unsung heroes of the theatre.  They're often overlooked.  Just as in real life, unfortunately, there will always be good people behind the scenes who never get the recognition they deserve.  Remember that, and make it a point to thank people for their contributions. 

Now, it's apparent as time goes on and show time approaches, that some kids just haven't gotten the message.  It doesn't matter that the director has spelled everything out clearly from day one, verbally, and on paper, to students and parents alike.  It doesn't seem to matter, either, that others in the production are doing their share - and sometimes more.  But, there's still something to be learned:  Just like in real life, there will always be someone else who doesn't pull their weight, doesn't do the minimum needed, someone who always waits for everyone else to cover for them.

When you're in a play, whether onstage, backstage, or wherever you are helping, you need to learn how to take direction.  A lot of the work that happens behind the scenes (including the scenery) is done by volunteers ranging in age from middle-school students to adults.  I will admit I'm a newbie at this volunteering for a play business, and signed on for costumes because that's about the only thing I could do without injuring someone (aside, perhaps, from an overlooked pin in a seam).  I really made a hatchet job of this poor actresses's outfit.  Our costume lady very patiently removed every seam and started over from scratch, repaired the costume, and all was right with the world.  I asked for simpler sewing jobs.  But, just as in real life, some jobs may be too big for one person. So if you can't do the job, don't be afraid to say so or to ask for help.  Sometimes you can have a "do-over," but other times, that won't be possible.  And, just as in real life, sometimes you don't know if you can do something unless you are given a chance to try - so don't be afraid to try.

It's not difficult to sense the frustration of the director and other cast members.  Our experienced director, and other adults involved with producing this play, have addressed the students and laid it on the line:  meet your deadlines (for advertising, for ticket sales, for your personal write-up in the program) or (the program will not be printed, the show will not have a large audience, your biography will not be included).  The plea falls on deaf ears.

Just like in real life, there will always be a group of people who feel that deadlines don't apply to them.

The director tells the students:  Be at rehearsals.  Know your lines.  Don't come in late/leave early.  When you are not onstage, be considerate of those who are - don't visit and horse around and be a distraction.  That plea falls on deaf ears.

Just like in real life, there will always be people who feel that they are above the basic courtesies that should be extended to other people.

Now, I know what you're thinking:  "Come on, Mom Crusader, cut us some slack.  The parents are the ones in charge of the kids' schedules, and if the orthodontist says the braces come off today at this time and that's in the middle of a rehearsal, guess where my kid is going to be."

I know. 

And the director knows.  And the director does whatever is humanly possible to work around such things.  The director understands the cast is young, and despite the level of experience many of them have, parents are ultimately in charge of the kids' schedules. 

I get that.  I also get that there can be family obligations that take precedence (funerals, religious observances, Grandma's 99th birthday party) or that, just as in real life, "real life" can intervene in the best-laid plans.  No one plans to need an appendectomy and miss a dress rehearsal, after all.

But, if the student is cut from the performance for missing too many rehearsals for no good reason, that can be a harsh lesson.

Just as in real life, if you are consistently late, unproductive, inconsiderate, absent with no reasonable excuse, unprepared, and waiting for everyone else to step forward and "save" you, there are consequences - and you may not like them.

Those of you who are employed and have bills to pay, re-read those bolded portions of this blog and see if any of them apply to your daily life.  I bet they do, and many of you were never in a play in your entire lives.  Regardless, just as in real life, the final product is often worth the painstaking efforts  that go into making something happen.

As a bystander with limited participation and experience with this kind of endeavor, I'm seeing lots of life lessons.  I know the students are soaking some of those lessons in as well, and despite how negative this blog entry may sound, I do see the majority of students having fun with the play and enjoying the creativity of their contributions to it.  Kudos to those who are doing the right thing.  I'm certain that those are the ones who will never need a lame excuse when things go wrong.  Those are the ones who will make genuine efforts for any task, no matter how large or small.

They'll be the ones who deserve the Obie & Tony awards for being able to handle daily life.

Well done, kids.

We are More than just our Breast Size

All right.

I'm going to be blunt, here.

Can we quit talking about being "boobless," people?  Seriously? 

I'm a grown woman.

My figure is definitely not an "8" in shape or rating. 

It's definitly not a "10" unless you prefer matronly figures that are rather pear-shaped.

To paraphrase  Patty Bouvier of "The Simpsons," I do not have "bosoms 'til Tuesday."

Neither do most women have "bosoms 'til Tuesday." Unless, of course, the good Lord saw fit to make sure your cups overfloweth, or you opted for surgical measures to increase your measurements.I've been a card-carrying member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee for many years.


SO WHAT.


What's with this topic, anyway, you might be asking? What's this got to do with being on a mom crusade?

Fair enough.  It's not something I'd typically rant about, unless it's to do with too many women showing off the girls at inappropriate times and places.  But, as a mother, and a woman who was once a teen-aged girl, I'm just compelled to speak up.

Girls have enough issues to deal with regarding their confidence and self-esteem.  The world at large and the world "at small" - meaning, closer to home - tends to place far too much emphasis on the physical features of females than any other aspect.  One look at the advertisments in any kind of media available to you is enough to help you get the point. 

The lesser-endowed of us have put up with many jokes about our girls and their lack of fullness.  We've put up with comparisons to Dolly Parton (pictured far right, in pink) by people who are either mystified or outright bemused by the fact that our girls seem to resemble those of the model Twiggy (below, left).

Well, will you give it a rest, already?  For one thing, comments about someone else's breast size are inappropriate, unless the bearer of the breasts invites your comments.  "Does this dress make my chest look big?" For example.  Otherwise, just SHUT UP.  Especially when you make your comments in front of other people. 

Recently, I assisted with dress alterations.  A teenaged girl entered the room, holding up the sides of a strapless dress.  The head seamstress instructed me where to take in the dress, remarking that the wearer didn't have boobs to fill the dress.

I know the woman was not saying this to be cruel. 

I'm betting the girl and this woman have the kind of relationship where they can say things to each other and not have the remarks taken personally. 

Regardless, I made a pretense of looking down the front of my t-shirt and remarking, "Well, don't worry - some of us are still waiting."  The three of us chuckled.  Alterations were made.  Later on, the dress was fitted again.  The same remark was made.  The girl looked like she was trying not to cringe.  I said in barely disguised exasperation, "Don't you get tired of hearing that?"  I really wished the other woman wouldn't make such personal remarks.

Perhaps the girl doesn't mind the remarks.  I truly don't know.  I probably should have asked her, "Does it bother you to hear that?"  But I didn't.  I could have said to the woman, "Please don't say that."  But I didn't.  Instead, I took a risk of making this girl feel more uncomfortable. 

I said, taking a chance that I'd be offensive, that most guys are so thrilled at the prospect of possibly, just maybe, getting to touch a breast, that they don't care what size it is.  And if all a guy is interested in is a woman's breast size, than he's not worth her time and trouble.

My intention was to let this girl know that whether or not she is well-endowed, she is still an attractive and desirable person.  There is more to being a girl, being a woman, than having noticeable breasts, or having large breasts. 

Not everyone is sensitive about this issue. 

Not everyone believes that their body is what defines them as a person, whether you're male or female. 

Not everyone defines others by their physical appearance. 

This is good.

Let's keep it that way.  Let's also encourage others to think likewise. 

Unless you're asked to comment on someone's physical appearance, the safest remark you can make will be along the lines of, "You look nice today."