Slumber Parties: To sleep, or not to sleep?

Any season is the right season for slumber parties, but seems like summer is the best time.  Energetic kids can get outdoors rather than being cooped up inside, pestering parents for activities that will keep them occupied for all of five minutes before they demand something else to do.

I went to a few slumber parties when I was a kid.  Usually, around 4th and 5th grade is when the yen for inviting a cluster of your closest friends to cozy up in sleeping bags on the floor of your living room would strike.  The slumber party usually was accompanied by someone's birthday.  Invitations would be covertly handed out at school, or simply mailed to the recipients' homes.                           

The procedure we went through at home usually went like this:

• Face alight with undisguised glee:  "Mom, Jane invited me to a SLUMBER PARTY!"
• Mom would check the date and say that she and dad would talk about it.  Mom knew who my friends were, and since Jane was someone I played with, she knew that this wasn't just some random girl who was looking for extras to fill out the invitation list.
• Sometimes, there was a minor grilling session.  Questions:  Does Jane have brothers and sisters? How old are they? Will her mom be there? Where does she live? Usually, if mom hadn't been to this person's house before, she would drive by and check the place out. What time is the party over?
• When I was dropped off, mom would accompany  me to the door and do a brief meet & greet with the parent who opened the door.  I don't recall that she ever came inside, but making face-to-face contact with a parent was necessary.

Now that I have a pre-teen, I wonder how my parents let me go anywhere or do anything. 

My daughter's first slumber party invitation came when she was in kindergarten, and came from a girl she barely knew, who invited the entire class.  I called with regrets, thinking to myself, "IS THIS NUTS, OR WHAT?" Because what parent, in her right mind, would have a slumber party in kindergarten, for a group of kids who are largely unknown to each other?  

Another mom, whose children played with the child whose party it was, said her children were the only two in attendance.  She says she felt so bad - but understood that kindergarten is really, in her opinion, too young for a sleep-over.  Her children stayed and played for several hours before calling it a night and returning to their own home to sleep.  Mom stayed too, to visit with the other parent.

Slumber party invitations followed regularly from that point, onward. 

Like me, my kid was about 5th grade before she was allowed to go on a sleep-over.  I felt I had a little advantage; working at the school allowed me to get to see and know the kids a little bit more than just occasional glimpses at school events or a now-and-then get-together.  Plus, this allowed me to meet some parents, or grill the staff about the homes of the kids in question.  I mainly wanted to know if there would be supervision by a responsible adult, and not a teenager left in charge. 

My daughter had a few disappointments, though.  Some parties she could attend until about 10 p.m. or so, and then I would pick her up.  There was usually one other child who was picked up at about the same time - and this one was not allowed to attend a slumber party ever, except to go for a few hours and then return home.  I didn't feel so bad, then, because I could always tell my daughter, "Hey, not even Sharla ges to stay over all night, so don't complain."

Sometimes, you don't get a feel for the atmosphere of the home until you drop your child off.  I admit I was really worried about the most recent invitation.  We reached a compromise, and it ended that my daughter would attend part of the scheduled activities that started with the "slumber" part.  When I took her to the house, I met the parent and the parent's partner.  I got a glimpse of the home, the demeanor of both adults, the other girls who were in attendance.  A lot of my worry dissipated in that fifteen-minute meet-and-greet.

I still didn't feel guilty about keeping my child from the afternoon events, but had no serious qualms about leaving her in the care of her friend's family for the remaining time of the party.  I left her with the cell phone, in case she wanted to call and come home at any point - but I really didn't expect a phone call!

What do you do, when your child has been invited to spend an extensive amount of time at a friend's house? 

• 
  
  Do you demand to know what the activities are, or do you only find out, after the hospital calls and asks you to sign a release form for medical treatment? 
• 
  
  What activities would you automatically say "NO" to, if you knew about them ahead of time? 
• 
  
  Would your response depend upon the age or the sex of your child? 
• 
  
  Under what circumstances would you say 'NO' to an overnight visit, or any visit at all? 
• 
  
  What is your criteria for allowing your child to be in the care of another family? 
• 
  
   Do you do "the parent check" (see Dalia, at Generation Xmom - click the link!)? 
• 
  
  How young is too young for a slumber party?

photos:
mallorymiaflickr.com                          
 addams family, haroldbakker.com            
crying boy, clipartof.com                     
pom pom girl, clipartof.com
pets webmd.com                                 
 brady bunch, care2.com                             
slumber party purpletrail.com           
4-wheeling, Bryan & Phil, flickr.com          
bungee jumping, personeelslog.nl