A Little Kindness can go a Long Way

It's time to dust of an earlier writing from my first gracious host, Spanitz Consulting.  This post originally ran in 2004 (sans photos).

Father Mikulski, aka Father Mike, died last year.  I hope he got a good chuckle out of this piece, which I sent to him several years back.

In a world that often seems too abrupt and rude, it can be difficult for us to remember to just be kind.  What will you do to encourage kindness in your day, today?  How will you model it for the kids in your life? 

Isn’t it odd how sometimes a person you barely know is the one to make you feel most at home?

It is a rare individual who can make such mannerisms second nature.

I know only one person with a gift for making one feel so at ease, and that is our parish priest’s helper, Father Mike. I don’t know Father Mike’s last name—in the years I’ve attended this particular church, he has just always been Father Mike. The trend toward dropping a priest’s last name began in the late 1970s, I believe; perhaps the hope was to make priests more accessible and ‘people friendly’ to the parishioners. Whatever the reason, this semi-retired priest is known just as Father Mike, and now and then he helps with services over the course of the weekend, when our regular priest is unable.

It’s hard sometimes, to form an opinion of someone you see once a week for the space of an hour, especially when the setting is not exactly social. Church is a gathering of any number of people, and certainly there is socializing before and after, but during church, there is a structure adhered to that is not interrupted for conversation. That would go for any service in any faith. But Father Mike has a way of making this a personal experience, being in church.

There are the usual prayers and hymns, but there are other people involved in the service besides just the priest. In the old days, there were altar boys. Now we have altar girls too, so we just say ‘servers.’ Father Mike always has a kind word for that group of kids, who are sometimes inexperienced at their jobs. "You do good work," I hear him say quietly and with a smile, as the young person opens the Bible, or brings the wine and water to him. And what a boost that must be to the child who is trying so hard not to make a mistake, to be complimented in that way.

Sermons are always a mixed bag, I think. I’ve attended services where the priest has literally droned on with his use of flowery language, the like of which has not been heard since the Victorian age. Then there are those who are long-winded and never seem to quite reach the point of it all. Then there are those who can make their point concisely and using language we can all understand. A

parish I used to belong to had such a rare gem. We always knew when Father Nicholas had Mass that we’d be out the door fifteen minutes early because he

could give a sermon and make his point in five minutes or less. This was a          blessing on those hot summer days before air conditioning.

I admit I have never sat with a stopwatch and timed Father Mike’s sermons. There really isn’t a need to, when the sermons are peppered with a good dose of humor, and something to tie the modern experience to the ancient text that has been read to us that day. His tone is conversational, and though he’s addressing the congregation at large, if you listen carefully, he speaks to each individual. Hard to feel fidgety when you’re in a conversation like that.

After the service is through, people file out and some will pause to greet the priest, while others will dash for the door. Father Mike has a greeting for one and all. Did he retire from this parish? I don’t know—but he sure seems to know everyone. Even though I have not been a parish member for very long, he even seems to know even me. Imagine my surprise when he shook my hand warmly, and said, "You look good today." It was not an automatic remark, like "have a nice day," he truly seemed to mean it. Another Sunday he greeted me with, "I missed you last week."

I’m sure he makes such remarks to everyone he sees, and perhaps after so many years of service, Father Mike has acquired a sure-fire repertoire of personalized comments for the general congregation. Even teachers do this. How often has a parent heard the ubiquitous remark, "He’s such a good kid, I truly enjoy having him in class"? But the fact that I was not in attendance the previous week, and Father Mike noticed, threw me for a bit of a loop.

You may be thinking that a remark like that is easily true for ¼ of the congregation. It is much like shooting fish in a barrel, and surely with so many fish in the congregation, there are a large number who didn’t attend mass the week before. Maybe so. My point is that a comment given with such simplicity and directness makes it very sincere. And a person feels at home when someone else takes such time to speak personally to him. What a nice feeling that is. Ordinarily it is far too easy to be anonymous in a congregation, a crowd. How nice it is that someone takes the time to single you out for a kind word.

What is it that makes a person feel at home? A sense of belonging. Being able to participate on any level in what is going on around him. Being able to relate to what is being said or done. Interacting with other people in positive ways.

Now, this is not something that relates just to church attendance. This also relates to your workplace and your home life. Do you feel that you belong? Do you participate and relate to what is being done, in reaching whatever common goal has been set? How are your interactions with other people?

It seems that the people we’re most drawn to are those who pay attention to us. Is there someone you know who always makes it a point to speak to you, sometimes going out of the way to do so? Is there a person in your life who always has a kind word for you?

If it means something to you, and you haven’t reciprocated, then do so. Even if you turn the compliment to a stranger—just say something nice to someone. It is contagious, being kind, and it really takes such little effort. The key though, is to be sincere. Make eye contact, and give your full attention to the person you speak to. It’s a small thing, but meaningful. And tell that person who always has a kind word for you just how important that is.

When we so often feel browbeaten by life, how refreshing it is to experience kindness. So, thank you for the kind words, Father Mike. You do good work.





Photos:
infolanka.com
Fr. Mikulski, dioceseofmarquette.org
jesuittampa.org
sermons are boring, Grocer787, flickr.com
smiley, secfanatics.com
fish, farael, flickr.com
hug, primuscare, flickr.com
good job, grusskartenfreunde.de













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