Pencils, Books, and Bullies

It's that time of year when we're all saying, "When does school start? I'm sick of seeing kids all over the place!"

It's also the time of year when kids who get bullied at school wish that summer would just extend itself into one. . . long . . . well, summer vacation.

If you're the parent of one of those, I encourage - no - insist - you pick up a copy of "The Everything Parent's Guide to Dealing with Bullies." The chapters can easily 'stand alone' for easy reference, and the book as a whole is a comprehensive field guide to the whole murky bully issue.

For a more complete review, see my post at Spanitz Consulting.

I don't know about you, but I tend to cheer for the underdog. I watched all the Revenge of the Nerds movies, and thought they were great. How much fun it was to see the tormentors finally become the tormented. Then again, maybe I just harbored a secret lust for watching Robert Carradine.

Either way, it was refreshing to see a film where the nerdy guys place first. Sometimes, it actually happens in real life.

For far too many people, though, being picked on in school leaves lasting scars.

I used to get picked on from time to time. This is probably a revelation for anyone reading this who knows me from school days, but it did happen. Hearing frequently that I was "flat as a board and never been nailed" may have been the height of clever humor for the guy who made it a point to encounter me daily and shout that out, but it was utter torture for me. Pimple faced gorilla was another thing I used to hear, but considering who that comment came from, I was able to dismiss it.

Why is that? If the person insulting you is, in your mind, even nastier than your own self, does it make it easier to brush off the insult? What if that guy had been cute and popular? Would I have been mortified that my bad acne was all he could see of me?

Somebody ask Dr. Phil and get back to me on that.

I hate to see, and hear about, kids being bullied. Having two of my own, keeping an eye out for bullying is a thing that is near and dear to my heart. When you have kids who don't fit the mold of what others see as normal or acceptable, you learn quickly that you're going to have to advocate for them.

The Everything Parents Guide/Bullies also gives lots of good tips on "bully proofing" your kids, and they don't involve clever ambushes at the bus stop or the walking route home from school. The Guide also attempts to dispell some of the bully myths we all hear, like "it's just part of life, every kid goes through it." Or, "That bully has low self-esteem."

Sometimes, bullies just like to bully for no other reason than they can. For some kids, that's enough. Really.

Little bullies tend to grow up to be bigger, adult bullies unless they learn better social skills. And some of them never learn better social skills, because others are too afraid to say, "Hey, you're really being an asshole, and that hurts. Knock it off." Plus, there are far too many adults who overlook it as "boys being boys" or "that's just how girls can be."

It also takes the bullied kids time to learn the skills it takes to handle the bullies - those can involve dealing with their own self-esteem, and their own social skills.

No one, regardless of age, odd little quirks, beliefs, or whatever - no one deserves to be bullied. No one "asks for it" because they're different.

Hey, I'm a boy whose favorite color is pink. Would you come over here and call me a faggot?

Not.

I bet any of you reading this can name at least three adult bullies you know and are in regular contact with. I bet you can also name the kids who tormented you in school. Do you remember the kids you tormented? If we're honest with ourselves, we'll recognize that in the social foodchain of school, there were people we picked on either directly, or indirectly because we allowed others to do it and didn't stop them.

Are you strong enough to try and change that behavior in your own kids?